Why

This is our biggest question as an alienated parent?  Why would the person I loved so much to have children with keeping me from the essence of my soul.  My life, personally, is broken without my kids, it is hollow, void of its meaning.  I personally cannot be complete without my kids, but I need to find solace in their health and well being....I have no choice.  I have spent 75% of my net worth fighting for them, against a man that will not stop...I messed up 7 years ago, did drugs, went to rehab and turned it around, but I live in hell.  Why, because we both have enough money to fight.....But there is the better question, why are we fighting over life?  My children are my world, how do I live without them.  Because I have NO choice because I am trapped with this.   Can I end my life, NO, it would end theirs.  Can I keep fighting, NO, I have no money left......$1.6 million is what I spent to get them back..........the number is irrelevant, it was all I had.  I made myself poor to get them back and I am still here, alone and sad without their hands in mine but when I ask why, I tell myself it is because it is my purpose to fight for their hearts, that is my job.  When I had two children, I made a selfish choice and now I need to be selfless.  So why, it just is......but find a path, find a way and have hope even when it is really dark.  Love just is.