The Holidays

The holidays are a kaleidoscope of love, excitement, tension, stress and can be overwhelming.  Throw in parental alienation tactics and you almost feel you can't breathe.  I had the good fortune of spending a few days before Christmas with a fellow victim of parental alienation.  It was great to hear the perspective of a father, his pain, frustration and anger.  I am a mother, so my view was skewed and I deal with the common adage, "well the courts side with the mother so you must of done something really bad."  Sadly not the case......he has taught me a new empathy.  Know this, the family court is NOT a legal system, it is an arbitration system.  Who knows who, vague decisions on big matters.  Motions, affidavits, David and Goliath and may the richest man win in this game.  But this could only be if one parent wanted the war and to alienate. 

It is almost irreconcilable to understand why you cannot talk to your children the gifts you brought into this world, the children you loved and nurtured on Christmas Day.....to say how much you love them, to hear their excitement and general happiness about how fun Christmas morning is.  I was greatful for the photos taken of them with the gifts I gave them.  A guess the consolation prize for enduring natural childbirth and sleepless nights for years. Add the fact that I never car pooled them, made all their lunches, taught them about nutrition,  empathy and compassion.  I a marvel that an alienator would not ever allow them to send me a Christmas card,,,,,what kind of values is that teaching I wonder.  You give a card to neighbor or teacher, but no kids, not your mother.  Did I mention I gave them life?  It is truly insanity you realize. 

But like anything, when you put your situation on the world wide stage, you realize there is suffering beyond yours, hunger, abuse, disease so you allow the crazy dynamics of hope and faith to sneak in and if you let them, they dry your tears.  But I am not too proud to tell you, I cried for hours over my kids yesterday.......That said, love is pure between a child and parent, alienation can cause damage, no question, but it cannot steal truth.  While estranged, I know my children love me, no matter what has been said.

I wanted to send a message to those of you who missed out on the holidays with your kids, there is hope no matter what your circumstances are.  Neither parent owns their children, we selfishly brought them into the world to express ourselves in the ultimate way.... they own themselves and their nature and souls will guide them to you. I found solace in Khalhil Gibran's prose, "we bring our children to life and set them free"

I am completely certain few things, but I am sure my children weren't faking it when they held me in the night and woke up saying, "Mommy I can't live for out you."  Love will guide them and if you believe in God, then know that he has a plan.  That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

Happy New Year