Tuesday, 10 July 2012

For more information on the following post, go to Divorce For Men by Carey Linde....

posted on July 8, 2012

Parental Alienation is a disorder found in many children with divorcing parents. This syndrome is an estrangement of the child from one parent, caused by the intentional (or unconcious) efforts of the other parent. The process involves the alienating parent making defamatory comments and hostile statements about the target parent in front of the child on a regular basis, in an effort to manipulate the child’s feelings towards them.
This results in the child displaying hostile behaviour, including insulting, humiliating and belittling comments, agression, and false accusations towards the target parent. The comments, accusations, and statements are ongoing and almost always unjustified. This behaviour can extend to the target parent’s friends and family as well.
Carey Linde was one of the first lawyers in Canada, and remains senior, in the field of Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome. He is experienced in filing against the parent who has set out to alienate a child from the other parent, sabatoge the bond between the child and that parent, and in every possible way remove that parent and their family from the life of the child.
The lawyers at the Law Offices of Carey Linde strongly believe that every child needs both parents equally in their lives. Their goal is to overcome any obstacles necessary in order to ensure that this happens. The best interest of the children involved is always the primary goal, and their experience in handling this kind of difficult situation helps make the process less trying for their clients.
For more information on Parental Alienation, please see our PAS Resources Section.

This section can be found on Divorce For Men - Carey Linde

Sunday, 13 May 2012

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day!!!! Despite the challenges mothers face when living life alienated from their children, we must remember we were given the opportunity to bring life into the world and no one can take that from us.

My thought for the day.....the best thing a father can do for his children is to love and respect their mother....

What should guide us at all times is love....the kind of love that transcends judgement, fear and anger....

Friday, 20 April 2012

This is very, very real

Parental alienation a form of abuse

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By Contributed - Nanaimo News Bulletin
Published: April 19, 2012 11:00 AM

The emotional stress caused by separation or divorce can challenging enough for family members.
Yet, many parents face an even more difficult time when alienated from their children.
“Parental alienation most frequently occurs after parents are separated or divorced” said Theo Boere, of the Nanaimo Men’s Resource Centre. “Children in response to this situation can become aligned with one parent and with that parent, become preoccupied with criticizing and maligning the other parent. Whether mild or severe, many experts call parental alienation a form of child abuse.”
If left unresolved over a number of years, parental alienation can lead to a situation where the children are so alienated that they withdraw completely from the denigrated parent.
“Unfortunately, because of parental alienation and other factors, we are creating a fatherless society,” said Boere, “Most alienated parents are fathers, due to the courts still awarding custody to moms in a ratio of about nine to one.”
Everyone loses when parental alienation occurs, said Boere.
Studies show that children who grow up in this environment often drop out of school; get involved in risky and criminal behaviours.
Parents who suffer this kind of attack from a previous partner often experience financial problems, extreme stress, physical and mental health issues such as depression, and sometimes even commit suicide.
To find out more, please contact the Nanaimo Men’s Resource Centre to request a 30-minute video on the subject; or attend a 40-minute information session on Wednesday (April 25)
Session times are noon and 7 p.m. Please RSVP 250-716-1551. Information sessions will be at the centre, 418D Fitzwilliam St.

Saturday, 24 March 2012

A Poem for the innocent children who are told "To soldier on"

Dear God,

Tonight I see a midnight sky, stars ordered in brilliant disarray, the man on the moon, the little dipper, the big dipper too, the two star collections that Harry and I call the "mommy dream catchers."

Tucked in my bed, the smell of mommy's perfume lingering on my pillow, her picture in my hand, I anxiously wait for velvet bear...that is mommy's nickname for my big brother Harry....We do this every night just to peek for the shooting star, hands outreached, we giggle as we try to catch her..."Harry quick, that's her, see? That is mommy's sky message!" I close my eyes, make a wish and blow her a kiss, my lips on hers. Tender.

God, can she feel me?

Pensive and teary velvet bear gently rolls his head to me and says, "yeah silly goose, that's her." As I reach for his hand, I whisper, "I love you velvet bear, hold me tight on this starry night." Does Harry know his heart can cry too?

God do you see her, can you touch her? Please hold her tight, I am so worried she is afraid....she always left a light on. It's too dark outside for her....

I wipe his tears and kiss his cheek, solid soldier he has become, my hero. We soldier on. We do as we are told.

Our nightly ritual, secretly held, we know no one can bear witness so our dream catcher is on guard, our fingers entangle, a nest we make with hopes she will fall from the midnight sky, it feels so real. Mommy we are here, fall into our love.

God can you feel us, we are here.

A box of treasured memories hidden deep in our hearts, a lifetime of love and adventure cut short, abruptly torn from our souls. A locket of blonde hair, cards beginning to fade, tattered corners from my endless need for them. Every word locked in my mind. Over and over.

But God, we do as we are told, silent soldiers we have become.

A summer day, we water the butterfly tree......a gift from mommy...she is our papillion, we marvel at the splendor of her, her eyes would always twinkle when we shrieked at the first flutter creature of summer, we chase the whirring wings and softly the dance is done as she lands with ease, gently, so gently...butterfly kisses.....lash to lash, love to love, hope.

God can you see her fly? Unwrap her wings for me.

We crave her laughter, her tales of that silly spaceship that made us fall into the softness of our beds, my magic purse and songs so goofy we just had to dance. God please know that our stage needs more than two to Tango.

But we soldier on, clickity clak and rinny tin tin, rusty soldiers we become.....but we do as we are told.

God I am still so small and my world is a maze with thoughts of hope, candy floss, merry-go- rounds and simple things, my shoulders hurt, my feet ache, I can no longer soldier on.

We can no longer soldier on....please end our war, please hear our prayers, we can no longer soldier on.

Good night midnight sky. Good night mommy.

Love Skylar

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Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Great question..........what makes these minds tick

What Makes Alienating Parents Tick?

By Richard Zwolinski, LMHC, CASAC

What makes an alienating parent tick? Do they suddenly wake up one day, go into revenge-mode, and begin attempting to destroy their child’s relationship with the other parent? Obviously not. The roots of amputative behavior are present (and sometimes hidden) before the abuse begins.
In psychological researcher Amy J. L. Baker, PhD’s important book, Breaking the Ties That Bind: Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome, the author identifies three family patterns that may be present in cases where parental alienation takes place.
Although we should keep in mind that men too, can be alienating parents, based on the interviews Dr. Baker did with 40 adult children of parental alienation syndrome, two of three patterns she identifies name mothers as the alienating parent. Most professionals believe that the ratio of fathers to mothers who are alienating parents is 50-50. Although some are very passionate and vocal about this being specifically a man’s or woman’s issue, the truth is that parental alienation can be perpetrated by members of either sex.
Also, though the sample of the adult children of PAS that Baker interviewed were interviewed in depth, making for a richer understanding of how PAS occurs, the author acknowledges that “perhaps the worst cases [of PAS] were most likely to want to participate in the research” and might have contributed to sampling bias. In any case, the information on patterns is enormously helpful and mirror what we can report on an anecdotal basis.
Pattern one: Narcissistic Mother in Divorced Family (14 families); pattern two: Narcissistic Mother in Intact Family (8 families), (PAS sometimes does occur in families where the parents are not divorced or separated); pattern three: Rejecting/Abusive Alienating Parent (16 families).
In Dr. Baker’s sample, narcissistic mothers comprised a significant portion of alienating parents. This is important because it implies the presence of a personality disorder in the alienating parent.
Breaking the Ties That Bind also identifies “notable themes and clinical and legal implications.” We will mention only three of them here (there are more). These include co-occurring maltreatment in which the alienating parent hasn’t just emotionally abused the child but has physically/sexually abused them, too.
Also, co-occurring alcoholism. She points out that because alcoholism is often linked with personality disorders, and many professionals believe that personality disorders are often or even usually present in an alienating parent.
In fact, the next theme is co-occurring personality disorder. The author points out that based on the interviews she did, many alienating parents could be considered to have a type B personality disorders (narcissistic, histrionic, anti-social, and borderline personality disorders). C.R. and I strongly agree and even say that perhaps a type B personality disorder must be present in an alienating parent. That’s because the types of behaviors involved are generally included in definitions of type B personality disorders. We should point out that this does not mean that people with type B pds will become alienating parents, but based on our experience, we believe that alienating parents all have at the very least a significant number of traits that are present in type B pds.
For an upcoming article C.R. recently interviewed a twenty-two year old woman who believes she is a victim of parental alienation syndrome. Of interest is the fact that the family is intact and the alienating parent has character traits which include those found belonging to narcissistic and anti-social personality disorders and are obviously not confined to the parent’s relationship with her children. In other words, these kinds of behaviors are actually present in all of her relationships.
In a description of her parent’s actions, the daughter, who is in therapy without her parents’ knowledge, said: “My mom [who is the editor of a magazine] would think nothing of plagiarizing when she could get away with it. She insists writers include verbatim paragraphs from the Internet, banking on the idea that no reader will ever check and find out. She quotes ten year old scientific studies and says the information is brand new. She does her best to put competing publications out of business and literally spies on them. Publishing is the perfect career for her because she gets a real thrill from the power of controlling what people read and then end up believing. Also she thinks no lie or immoral behavior is really off limits for her, especially when it comes to her “baby” magazine.
“Mom manipulates her employees, plays mind-games with with staff and family members alike and pits editors against each other. It doesn’t matter who it is. It could be my dad, an employee, my brothers and sister or a grandparent or even a friend. The exact moment someone leaves a room, she rolls her eyes or makes a very subtle, minor put down in a kind of disappointed tone about the person. She wants everyone left in the room to agree with her. Her whole thing is to keep people off balance so they live with constant, low level fear. I don’t know if she even realizes what she’s doing–she’s done this as long as I can remember.
“Even though my parents are still married, I see how mom has set up our family into teams depending on what’s going on. There’s the family against the world, there’s mom and my sibs against dad and against his parents. She needs all these secrets and teams because that feeds her ego. By keeping everyone else down, she stays up.”
The newest volume of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DMS-5), due out in spring of 2013, has not yet decided whether Parental Alienation Disorder (which is currently known as Parental Alienation Syndrome or PAS) will be included. The debate is surprisingly controversial. Those who are adult or child victims or mental health and legal professionals involved in the study and treatment of PAS want this problem recognized by the DSM-5. Those who believe that alienating parents either don’t exist or that their actions don’t affect their children, don’t.
Meanwhile, no one can deny that alienating parents do exist. In order to hurt their former (or sometimes, current) spouse, alienating fathers and mothers use their children as pawns in a war that can leave professional psych-ops in the dust.
We’ve received more than the usual amount of email related to our posts on PAS from both adult children and target parents who shared their experiences with us. Some have asked us to include specific PAS stories. In upcoming blog posts we hope to share snapshots of PAS.
Below are some useful links.
Amy Baker, PhD: Web Site and her Links (Resources) Page
Therapy Soup Posts About PAS and Related Topics:

Parental Alienation Syndrome

Educating An Alienating Parent

When Parents Brainwash

Divorce and Revenge

The Narcissistic Mother’s Game

How To Deal With An Emotional Terrorist

Dr. Richard Warshak, Parental Alienation Syndrome expert and author of Divorce Poison
Mike Jeffries, Author of A Family’s Heartbreak, Resources Page for those dealing with parental alienation. It includes lists of support groups, organizations, articles, podcasts, professionals, and more.
Fathers and Families: Current News on Parental Alienation.
Target Parent Blogs, A Sample: Fearless Fathers, Jim Hueglin, Legally Kidnapped. Many target parents, both men and women, are regularly posting about their experiences with their alienating spouses and their children.

Richard Zwolinski, LMHC, CASAC is the author of Therapy Revolution: Find Help, Get Better, and Move On Without Wasting Time or Money and is an internationally licensed psychotherapist and addiction specialist with over 25 years experience as well as a consultant to organizations and companies in the fields of mental health and addiction. Learn more about Richard here.

Like this author?
Catch up on other posts by Richard Zwolinski, LMHC, CASAC (or subscribe to their feed).

Last reviewed: 27 Feb 2012

APA Reference
Zwolinski, R. (2012). What Makes Alienating Parents Tick?. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 28, 2012, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/therapy-soup/2012/02/what-makes-alienating-parents-tick/

Therapy Soup

Psychotherapy

Check out the book!
Therapy Revolution: Find Help, Get Better, and
Move On without Wasting Time or Money
by Richard Zwolinski, LMHC, CASAC & C.R. Zwolinski

Monday, 20 February 2012

Why

This is our biggest question as an alienated parent? Why would the person I loved so much to have children with keeping me from the essence of my soul. My life, personally, is broken without my kids, it is hollow, void of its meaning. I personally cannot be complete without my kids, but I need to find solace in their health and well being....I have no choice. I have spent 75% of my net worth fighting for them, against a man that will not stop...I messed up 7 years ago, did drugs, went to rehab and turned it around, but I live in hell. Why, because we both have enough money to fight.....But there is the better question, why are we fighting over life? My children are my world, how do I live without them. Because I have NO choice because I am trapped with this. Can I end my life, NO, it would end theirs. Can I keep fighting, NO, I have no money left......$1.6 million is what I spent to get them back..........the number is irrelevant, it was all I had. I made myself poor to get them back and I am still here, alone and sad without their hands in mine but when I ask why, I tell myself it is because it is my purpose to fight for their hearts, that is my job. When I had two children, I made a selfish choice and now I need to be selfless. So why, it just is......but find a path, find a way and have hope even when it is really dark. Love just is.

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

He said, She said...

Here is the dilemna,,,who knows what is true? The nanny may be bribed or this could be true,,,,,,,but the entire thing is based on this......"he is showing acts of violence", was it towards his daughter? NO, but those inclined will make this into something it just isn't....

Use caution when judging...

Halle Berry's nanny says she's sick and tired of being verbally -- and physically -- abused by the Oscar-winner's baby daddy Gabriel Aubry, and Halle is taking the issue to a courtroom, RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively.
Berry is due back in a Los Angeles court Tuesday for an emergency hearing, a source tells RadarOnline.com, as she will not let the Canadian male model visit with their daughter Nahla because he has allegedly shown signs of violence.
Here's how it all allegedly unfolded:
PHOTOS: Halle Berry Celebrates Turning 45!
Last Wednesday, the source told RadarOnline.com the nanny showed up to pick Nahla up at school, though she was not there because Gabriel had kept her home sick for two days.
"The nanny went to pick Nahla up at school and she wasn't there, so she went to Gabriel's home," a source told RadarOnline.com. "Gabriel and the nanny got into an argument because no one alerted her that Nahla didn't go to school."
PHOTOS: Nahla & Dad Play At The Park
The source told RadarOnline.com Aubry allegedly verbally abused the nanny, before things took a turn for the physical.
"She picked up Nahla to leave and Gabriel yelled at her and shoved her out the door so hard that she hit the wall -- while she had Nahla in her arms!" the source alleges, adding that the nanny claims the abuse is ongoing.

Monday, 9 January 2012

www.geronimocode.com

If you are a father who has experienced divorce and you have not heard of John Ehrlich, stop right now, stop everything you are doing and go to the above website.....

This man is a pioneer, visionary, leader and inspiration...

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Bubbles of Love - April 25th

Wendy Archer

It's official! Bubbles of LOVE Day DFW will once again be held at Central Park in the Shops of Southlake! Bubbles of LOVE Day DFW is not a fundraiser, does not require dressing up and is fun for all ages. All you have to do is show up and blow bubbles! Please mark your calendars now to attend this family friendly event on April 25th!

Bubbles of LOVE Day DFW!

Wednesday, April 25 at 11:00am

Monday, 2 January 2012

Impact of Custody disputes on Children

This is a fascinating video that reveals that custody disputes impact not only the emotional lives of children but their health as well.

http://video.ca.msn.com/?mkt=en-ca&vid=c3f8df31-2618-4bfb-bc20-9abd4fc2ef2c&from=sharepermalink-twitter&src=v5%3Ashare%3Atwitter%3A

Custody, Kids and Catastrophes